It's Fall Season, That's Just What I'm Doing

It's been a while since I've posted anything on Blogspot.
I usually just use the bulletin feature on MySpace to rant and rave about my daily misfortunes.
Since my last post, I've gotten a lot better with the whole depression gig. I know i know, you're probably saying "Andy when were you depressed?! You always were smiling!"
Maybe I should be an actor?!
But anywho.

HUNGARY?! WHY WAIT?!
I'm going to be leaving the country in a matter of months, I'll be going to Hungary for a quite a while..Hoping to get my mind off some stuff.. and completely forget about some others.
In going to Hungary; I hope that my eyes will open more to my faith and to take it more seriously and make it more real in my life. I guess growing up in church just wasn't enough! (ha).
But really.. I've never made my faith a personal part of my life, I guess because I didn't want people to think I'm stupid or some 'christian hypocrite' (we're all hypocrites). I'll be staying with my friend who is a Youth Pastor there at a rather large church of about 30 kids (that's big for this country). Meanwhile i will be visiting their bible college in Budapest. I don't even like saying bible college cause it sounds so close minded to non Christians, but what else am I going to call it? Haha.
So that's Hungary for you.. hope you're satisfied.

As for music.. I'm not playing my drums at all anymore. I've played them twice since early July and I don't really care about playing music anymore. If the right band with the right people come along, then that's cool.. but if not.. then it's all good.. no worries. I've been playing a lot of guitar in lou of not having my drums, and I am loving it!

My life has changed in so many ways these past 6 months because of mistakes I have made and such.. but I wont let that ruin my life anymore..no matter how negative I am. So if you see me, come say Hey and give me a hug.. I could always use it

As for my friends in my life.. Vacaville tops them all.. (Chris and Brian). Yuba is always full of shady fags who don't value friendship at all. Drew is still there for me whenever i need him (And Kayla!).
So if we're not friends, let's become friends! And if you're my friend already.. LETS BECOME CLOSER

I have no idea why I wrote all this bs.. I guess there's just alot on my mind about my life.
IM DONE! Haha.

Starting over?

Trying to re-create yourself is one of the hardest things a person can ever do. I find myself struggling with it everyday.
This town is like a freakin' black hole though. Anytime you try and do something positive or different, there will always be someone telling you you're stupid or criticizing you for what you are doing right/wrong.
Whatever, I guess you'll find that anywhere. But why do humans have to be so negative towards one another? Why can't someone just UNDERSTAND that someone is doing something for the betterment of themselves?
Music has been keeping me sane lately and keeping me positive, so without that I don't know what I would be doing right now, haha.
It seems to bring out my most extreme emotions; anger, yelling, crying, goosebumps, fist pumping..etc
It's been a real outlet for me, too bad I don't have a band to release all my creativity out on! Oh well.
I've realized lately that bands are kind of a waste of time.. Only in the sense that you lose a HUGE chunk of your life where you could've been going to school, getting ready to have a family or something. I'm not saying if you're in a band you're dumb or something. Nothing like that.
I respect anyone who can have an amazing time making a living off their music, MORE POWER TO YOU! I just think I'll be the 35 year old dude rockin out in his garage with his two sons instead of on tour with some random band.

I've been trying to make new friends; here and there. Be more outgoing, but it is so gosh dang hard! Oh my lord. I can't seem to shake my introverted side!
WHY IS THIS?!
Yah, I don't know either! Haha.

Anyways.. this was random and I wanted to blog because I hadn't done it in a month or so.
Soo uhh.. that's it..

Until next time,
jump for joy!

A few good days..

Can be ruined by talking to her again. I don't know why I even bother trying to be friends.
There is hardly any effort on the other side. And it's quite sad that mainly any 'friend' I have are online friends. And yes, I know what you're going to say, "You never go out and find new friends, so stop complaining". But whatever dude, this town is full of liars, fakes, and people that just don't like me.
Oh well I guess!

I was having like 3 good days in a row without really talking to her, just hanging out.. trying to keep busy.. But of course that all comes to an end when we talk. Why? I don't know. Maybe cause I was forgetting about my feelings while I was having my good days, maybe not?

Ugh.. This sucks

Energizer Bunny

I feel like my freaking brain is the Energizer Bunny sometimes, I hate it. I can't stop thinking about certain things.. It really sucks

I want it so bad.
More than anything in the world.

Two years, a billion tears

So it's been two years to the day, that i first met the love of my life. I just wish two years later, i was the love of hers.
Two years ago today, i got off the plane in Chicago and saw her. Long blonde wavy hair, standing there in her baby blue shirt and jeans that complimented every curve she had. Reddest cheeks ever.. I'm sure I had her beat though.
We then got in the car and had the most awesome car ride home, we couldn't stop looking at each other, almost as if there was some un-official staring contest. Camri was the judge. Everyone knows i won.. Ok maybe not
We got to her house and everyone was just hangin out, doing whatever.. i remember the first time i kissed her.. I was so nervous.. sitting on her couch just looking at her, it was the most spontaneous kiss ever. She kinda leaned up to get off the couch, and i leaned in and layed it on her.. Haha.. It's making my eyes water just thinking about it. Wow.. i sound retarded, haha.
Looking back, I made so many mistakes.. I know this, but I know that If I ever got the chance again, I wouldn't second guess ANYTHING, and I would do ANYTHING to make her happy. But it sucks, today it was clarified for me.. that I won't be getting that chance ever again.
How do you get over a heartbreak? I've never had this feeling before.. It's so surreal. I seriously would love to sleep all day and never think about it again, but that wouldn't be the "posi" thing to do. And once upon a time, I was all about being posi, haha. Oh man. How those days have passed me by.
She is still my friend even though I feel like i annoy her with every text or instant message. I just hope she knows i mean well.

She likes another guy, which is fine.. but if he was to hurt her as well.. I would be furious. She deserves the whole freaking WORLD. She is an amazing girl and shouldn't settle for less, who knows.. maybe that's why she can't be with me now? Who knows.

Point is.. Elyce Kristin Naylon still has my heart. I may not have hers, and that's quite alright.. I just hope we can be friends forever.

Enclosed: My Heart

These last few days have definitely been hard on me..
I realize i need to give her space and respect that she's trying to make herself happy. But i will also not stop loving her, no matter what.
I've been praying so much and i believe she is who I'm truly supposed to be with, and make happy, provide for, protect, serve, love, stand up for, nourish, comfort.

I am trying to be friends with her, keep things good. And it seems to be going great.
I just can't be dependent on her for my happiness, so I'm trying to make myself happy.
Whatever that means.
Even my band seems to be losing it..I'm not even motivated at all to do anything in that aspect of my life (band stuff)
I just want to find a SOLID job and make some money. Find a great church and get back into what I NEED to be into.. And that's finding out who God is to me..

I hope this finds you well.
Until next time,
Jump for joy.. but not too high.. ceilings hurt!

<3

Love: A weapon

Here i am writing this blog.. sick to my stomach from emotions rushing through my body.
I feel like my ex girlfriend could care less or not about me, even though she pretends to. And it hurts so bad to see her with another guy only 2 months after breaking up. I know i know, "Who cares dude, you're broken up"..
Yah, that may be the case, but i definitely didn't realize what i had while i was with her.
I had the whole world, a best friend, someone to help me with my struggles, a counselor, a part time chef, a killer singer, and also a comedian. No matter what, she could brighten up my day

While we were together, i took everything for granted.. and i would talk to other girls and flirt.. not realizing i was only hurting myself in the long run. Yah.. it was unfaithful.. but most of all.. it was STUPID of me. That's basically in a nutshell what drove us to split up. It was a rather mutual breakup, we are still friends.. but i am finding it incredibly hard to be friends with her, when i know she's completely into somebody else. Don't get me wrong, i'd love to be her best friend still cause she is an amazing person.. but it hurts so badly.

Am i wrong in feeling this?
Am i wrong in still wanting to be with her?
Should i try and move on?
What should i do?