A few good days..

Can be ruined by talking to her again. I don't know why I even bother trying to be friends.
There is hardly any effort on the other side. And it's quite sad that mainly any 'friend' I have are online friends. And yes, I know what you're going to say, "You never go out and find new friends, so stop complaining". But whatever dude, this town is full of liars, fakes, and people that just don't like me.
Oh well I guess!

I was having like 3 good days in a row without really talking to her, just hanging out.. trying to keep busy.. But of course that all comes to an end when we talk. Why? I don't know. Maybe cause I was forgetting about my feelings while I was having my good days, maybe not?

Ugh.. This sucks

Energizer Bunny

I feel like my freaking brain is the Energizer Bunny sometimes, I hate it. I can't stop thinking about certain things.. It really sucks

I want it so bad.
More than anything in the world.

Two years, a billion tears

So it's been two years to the day, that i first met the love of my life. I just wish two years later, i was the love of hers.
Two years ago today, i got off the plane in Chicago and saw her. Long blonde wavy hair, standing there in her baby blue shirt and jeans that complimented every curve she had. Reddest cheeks ever.. I'm sure I had her beat though.
We then got in the car and had the most awesome car ride home, we couldn't stop looking at each other, almost as if there was some un-official staring contest. Camri was the judge. Everyone knows i won.. Ok maybe not
We got to her house and everyone was just hangin out, doing whatever.. i remember the first time i kissed her.. I was so nervous.. sitting on her couch just looking at her, it was the most spontaneous kiss ever. She kinda leaned up to get off the couch, and i leaned in and layed it on her.. Haha.. It's making my eyes water just thinking about it. Wow.. i sound retarded, haha.
Looking back, I made so many mistakes.. I know this, but I know that If I ever got the chance again, I wouldn't second guess ANYTHING, and I would do ANYTHING to make her happy. But it sucks, today it was clarified for me.. that I won't be getting that chance ever again.
How do you get over a heartbreak? I've never had this feeling before.. It's so surreal. I seriously would love to sleep all day and never think about it again, but that wouldn't be the "posi" thing to do. And once upon a time, I was all about being posi, haha. Oh man. How those days have passed me by.
She is still my friend even though I feel like i annoy her with every text or instant message. I just hope she knows i mean well.

She likes another guy, which is fine.. but if he was to hurt her as well.. I would be furious. She deserves the whole freaking WORLD. She is an amazing girl and shouldn't settle for less, who knows.. maybe that's why she can't be with me now? Who knows.

Point is.. Elyce Kristin Naylon still has my heart. I may not have hers, and that's quite alright.. I just hope we can be friends forever.

Enclosed: My Heart

These last few days have definitely been hard on me..
I realize i need to give her space and respect that she's trying to make herself happy. But i will also not stop loving her, no matter what.
I've been praying so much and i believe she is who I'm truly supposed to be with, and make happy, provide for, protect, serve, love, stand up for, nourish, comfort.

I am trying to be friends with her, keep things good. And it seems to be going great.
I just can't be dependent on her for my happiness, so I'm trying to make myself happy.
Whatever that means.
Even my band seems to be losing it..I'm not even motivated at all to do anything in that aspect of my life (band stuff)
I just want to find a SOLID job and make some money. Find a great church and get back into what I NEED to be into.. And that's finding out who God is to me..

I hope this finds you well.
Until next time,
Jump for joy.. but not too high.. ceilings hurt!

<3