Here i am writing this blog.. sick to my stomach from emotions rushing through my body.
I feel like my ex girlfriend could care less or not about me, even though she pretends to. And it hurts so bad to see her with another guy only 2 months after breaking up. I know i know, "Who cares dude, you're broken up"..
Yah, that may be the case, but i definitely didn't realize what i had while i was with her.
I had the whole world, a best friend, someone to help me with my struggles, a counselor, a part time chef, a killer singer, and also a comedian. No matter what, she could brighten up my day
While we were together, i took everything for granted.. and i would talk to other girls and flirt.. not realizing i was only hurting myself in the long run. Yah.. it was unfaithful.. but most of all.. it was STUPID of me. That's basically in a nutshell what drove us to split up. It was a rather mutual breakup, we are still friends.. but i am finding it incredibly hard to be friends with her, when i know she's completely into somebody else. Don't get me wrong, i'd love to be her best friend still cause she is an amazing person.. but it hurts so badly.
Am i wrong in feeling this?
Am i wrong in still wanting to be with her?
Should i try and move on?
What should i do?
Wednesday, July 30, 2008
Saturday, July 5, 2008
The Boys After, everything I'm feeling about it
It's been 3 months since I joined my new band, The Boys After. I am having the best time of my life, and have made 4 amazing new best friends with all of them. Well.. 5 including Brian ;] But I feel like there is something missing.. something that we just aren't grasping. Maybe it's the 'cool' MySpace layout.. Maybe it's because we're not playing Warped Tour this year? I don't know..
But what i DO know.. Is that I want this band to work out more than anything in the world.. I am READY to make my life in music. I want it more than anything. I don't drive an hour and fifteen practice up to 4 times a week for nothing. Why do i do it? Because music and these 4 guys are the 'love' of my life as you could say.
I've come to realize that the music industry is a scary place, but it can also be a very friendly place where you can meet AMAZING people! I have had my experience with past bands.. and dont get me wrong.. I wouldn't trade them for the world.. but obviously there was something missing in the older bands i was in. What was missing? Passion! It was the lack of PURE passion!
The Boys After may not have hella money to throw down on legit recordings or whatever.. or we may not be the best lookin dudes on the block, you know? But I just know that me and this group of guys, if given the chance, could kick total butthole at this whole 'music' thing.
I know this sounds ridiculous, but ehh whatever.. It's how i feel.. thats what vlogging is for right?
Maybe its because its almost 4am.. But i would truly like to think that i want this more than anything i have ever wanted.
Ask anyone!
I've given up my job, my girlfriend, my money (im completely broke), time with my family, my car that is now breaking down on me because of long drives to practice.. Don't get me wrong.. i dont mind giving up things for the band, but i do want this to work out!
I guess it's all wishful thinking..
"Wondering what if, is the worst thing there is"
Until next time,
Jump for joy
But what i DO know.. Is that I want this band to work out more than anything in the world.. I am READY to make my life in music. I want it more than anything. I don't drive an hour and fifteen practice up to 4 times a week for nothing. Why do i do it? Because music and these 4 guys are the 'love' of my life as you could say.
I've come to realize that the music industry is a scary place, but it can also be a very friendly place where you can meet AMAZING people! I have had my experience with past bands.. and dont get me wrong.. I wouldn't trade them for the world.. but obviously there was something missing in the older bands i was in. What was missing? Passion! It was the lack of PURE passion!
The Boys After may not have hella money to throw down on legit recordings or whatever.. or we may not be the best lookin dudes on the block, you know? But I just know that me and this group of guys, if given the chance, could kick total butthole at this whole 'music' thing.
I know this sounds ridiculous, but ehh whatever.. It's how i feel.. thats what vlogging is for right?
Maybe its because its almost 4am.. But i would truly like to think that i want this more than anything i have ever wanted.
Ask anyone!
I've given up my job, my girlfriend, my money (im completely broke), time with my family, my car that is now breaking down on me because of long drives to practice.. Don't get me wrong.. i dont mind giving up things for the band, but i do want this to work out!
I guess it's all wishful thinking..
"Wondering what if, is the worst thing there is"
Until next time,
Jump for joy
Tuesday, July 1, 2008
They call it 'demo-ing'
This weekend i had the very sweet privilege of recording some new demo tracks with my best friends, Kyle, Chris and Jordan.
We recorded with a great guy by the name of Aaron Pauley, he was spot on and one of the nicest dudes i've ever met!
I sat down at my drums, earnest to lay down the tracks..
I took a huge breath, turned on the click.. and started going at it.
Each song took about 5 or 6 takes.
As each song went by, i felt like i was pissing everyone off because i was taking a little more than they had wanted, haha. (took about an hour and a half altogether, you be the judge)
But I felt since this was the first recording with The Boys After, i at least wanted to sound DECENT. Afterall, these are only demo tracks, haha.
But lately, i've been drawing a lot of influence from Relient K's new cd, The Birds and the Beesides.
It rules.
Matt Thiessen never ceases to amaze me with his songs and his writing. I really wish I had a writing style like he did.
Blah, i dont know what im talking about anymore, haha
I got distracted by "marilyn manson ate my girlfriend" by Relient K, haha.
Crazy guys.
Also lately; i've been realizing i need to get out of my freaking house, and realizing that most of my friends are really fake to me and only hang out with me at THEIR convenience.. to me.. this is stupid and not how a friendship should work.
I put in 100% and get back about 30%.
Eff it, it's not really even worth it in my mind to keep trying and trying with some people.
Sometime i wanna say, screw you and leave them behind. But i know in my heart, i could never.
This is it for now..
Until next, jump for joy
We recorded with a great guy by the name of Aaron Pauley, he was spot on and one of the nicest dudes i've ever met!
I sat down at my drums, earnest to lay down the tracks..
I took a huge breath, turned on the click.. and started going at it.
Each song took about 5 or 6 takes.
As each song went by, i felt like i was pissing everyone off because i was taking a little more than they had wanted, haha. (took about an hour and a half altogether, you be the judge)
But I felt since this was the first recording with The Boys After, i at least wanted to sound DECENT. Afterall, these are only demo tracks, haha.
But lately, i've been drawing a lot of influence from Relient K's new cd, The Birds and the Beesides.
It rules.
Matt Thiessen never ceases to amaze me with his songs and his writing. I really wish I had a writing style like he did.
Blah, i dont know what im talking about anymore, haha
I got distracted by "marilyn manson ate my girlfriend" by Relient K, haha.
Crazy guys.
Also lately; i've been realizing i need to get out of my freaking house, and realizing that most of my friends are really fake to me and only hang out with me at THEIR convenience.. to me.. this is stupid and not how a friendship should work.
I put in 100% and get back about 30%.
Eff it, it's not really even worth it in my mind to keep trying and trying with some people.
Sometime i wanna say, screw you and leave them behind. But i know in my heart, i could never.
This is it for now..
Until next, jump for joy
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